I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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