My first STD was from a foam party
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
no you cant smoke seaweed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
