ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
