how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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