we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
