So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
