Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
