I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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