theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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