I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
