i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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