Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
