He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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