You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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