ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
