My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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