I wanna bring you to show and tell
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
