im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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