and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
