I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
