Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
