I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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