you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
