just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
