I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
