Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
