You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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