I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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