I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
