I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
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What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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