Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
