I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
