there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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