You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
