the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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