all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I didn't notice because vodka
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
