my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
