I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she peed on how many people?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
