i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
