Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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