i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
