i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
