recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
