I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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