a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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