I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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