Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
