I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
