Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
is wine microwaveable?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
