so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
