Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
don't judge my taste in strippers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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