my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
