did you get engaged???
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
love makes seman taste better
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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