Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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