I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
