thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
