Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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