I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize