There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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