You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
