What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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